I'm dating someone with a different medical condition - 

He says he'd understand if superficial people left him for the medical condition, but that he hopes to end up with someone who would love him for who he is, regardless of what happens to him with symptoms. 

I stopped him and said, I don't have that, and I don't even hope to have that - nor do I think most people with contested illness or mold or Lyme or CFS.

Because for us, it is quite clear that if the symptoms were bad enough, we'd be left - often with the person feeling self-righteous for leaving us.

Some symptoms, like rage and irritability, if they got bad enough, people would even say mandate leaving us.

It's the basic hope most humans have - to be loved, and hopefully to be loved for who we are, more or less unconditionally. 

- - -
I don't know how to think about this. The following two facts, I think are true, and they scare me: 
  • If my irritability/rage symptoms were bad enough I don't know anyone who would date/be a partner with me. 
  • Occasionally, as a matter of course, particularly when taking risks or pushing myself to get back into regular life, I can have irritability.


I suppose there are many solutions:
  • Healing to the point that rage happens less - detoxifying
  • Being more careful with myself and not pushing myself so hard (I've been living in a building I react to for more than a month - I could have moved out much earlier)
  • Re-negotiating rather than ending relationships, having more space


The bottom line is that, as in the post before this one, I have to take care of myself and see symptoms - even irritability  - as a call to be better to myself. Sometimes I'm doing more than I can handle. (ha, it's funny that I can even start to recognize that.)






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