I realized a few things.
I'd been looking at my symptoms as though I were a failure for having them. You can get into this mindset if you hear people say you should just get over your symptoms or push through them. Underneath it all there is doubt as to whether the symptoms are a choice or whether the entire problem is that people just aren't pushing as hard as they ought to to overcome what is thought of as minor discomfort (rather than metabolic emergency).
But I'd like to think of symptoms differently. The more I learn about the body the more I see that it does things for good reasons. Symptoms are a call to give attention to something that needs to be fixed.
Rather than panicking and thinking I've messed up if I'm having symptoms, I'd like to think of it as a message to investigate something, find a better solution, or treat my body better.
Even some of the embarrassing symptoms, like rage, are actually calls by the body to address a problem - in that case, probably some degree of inflammation and exposures.
- - -
Rather than thinking of the illness as some beast to "overcome," I'm thinking more now that my body is working correctly when it creates symptoms (even some of the debilitating ones likely protect against even worse possibilities).
I'll keep having symptoms so long as there is more to learn and more to take care of.
Symptoms push me to learn and experiment, whereas if I felt fine I certainly wouldn't spend this much time trying to fix my body biochemistry.
Thank god my body is letting me know something is off, and isn't just going along with a bad situation.
It's good to have symptoms when you need them.